Tuesday, 19 September 2017
Friday, 1 February 2013
Monday, 14 January 2013
Sunday, 23 December 2012
Snowball?!? Everybody knows Advocaat is mainly composed of phlegm (probably) & eggs - We can mainly blame the Belgians for that!
Wednesday, 17 October 2012
Friday, 25 May 2012
Saturday, 19 February 2011
After playing with several Gypsy/carpark/well-known-cartoon-character-with-explicit drug-reference combinations I figured this illustratory* route would leave me less on the road to future legal action.
On the other hand the consumption of the kind of beer you only get in gold & black cans on public transport slightly appeals to me but purely for the fact of pissing Boris Johnson off. Me? Childish? You bet!
(I'll shut up, you can read the article here)
(Article by Michael Holden)
Having failed to visibly outrage anyone by drinking lager on the tube, the four young men sat opposite me seemed anxious to raise the stakes by talking openly about cannabis. First, though, they had a more immediate problem – one born of their initial transgression.
Man 1 (distressed) "I need a piss."
Man 2 "This isn't our stop!"
Man 1 (leaving the carriage) "I can't hold on. I'll meet you there."
Man 2 "What's up with him? He's only had, like, one pint."
Man 3 (looking at his can of lager) "I swam through my brother's sick on holiday. I thought it was coral at first – it was all in my goggles and shit. This was on the Great Barrier Reef. It's a sick country, Australia."
Man 4 "Fuck Australia!"
Man 2 (holding a bit of paper) "Make the roach nice, that was one of the first things I learned about smoking."
Man 4 "What's that?"
Man 2 (rolling it up) "It's my bus ticket, keep the white bit on the outside, you have to twist it. That way you get feedback."
Man 3 "Back in the day I used to think I was the don. I used to get bare stoned and just watch The Simpsons. Nobody knew. I was 13."
There was no reaction to this, so he upped the ante.
Man 3 "That was before I got expelled."
Man 4 "Do you wanna get off and fight?"
Man 3 "I fight Gypsies in car parks – like on that show."
Man 4 "Downgrade your status!"
With that they were off, checking as they went to see if anyone had noticed them.
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Saturday, 11 December 2010
Drugs are bad, mmmmmkay? I was originally going for the 'exploding stomach'imagery but decided against it in the end...
(Article by Michael Holden)
Recently I shared a train carriage with two people whose frank exchange of narcotic chit-chat – while not without its tragedies – was at least a break from the norm.
Woman (glad to have bumped into a mate) "I thought you was in prison!"
Man (equally surprised) "I was, I got done with one bag! Donna got off with two! They said 18 months. Then, they said if I plead guilty I'd get seven. But I didn't know nothing about it. I thought I had to do the whole lot. It was a big surprise to me when they let me out."
Woman "So what you gonna do?"
Man "I'm going on the old Naltrexone."
Woman (cautionary) "If you can be bothered every day."
Man (rueful) "I couldn't sleep for a couple of weeks."
Woman "Well you gotta stay positive. What did your mum to say about it?"
Woman "Went ballistic. Thinks I'm gonna end up like my uncle."
Woman "My area's headed for one of them things where there's not that much shit about; when the good stuff comes back people are gonna start dying."
Man "The stuff I got done with came in at 37/38% – I was quite pleased with that. Did you hear about John's foot?"
Woman "Terrible. Nightmare. He was walking about with bits of bone in his pocket!"
Man (more surprised) "Did you hear about Alannah?"
Woman (nodding) "Her stomach exploded."
Man (with contempt) "Booze."
Later on the drinks trolley came wheeling past; the couple waved it by.