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Showing posts with label elizabethan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label elizabethan. Show all posts

Saturday 31 January 2009

Guardian All Ears 31st January



Drawing this brought back memories of 'The Tin Drum' by Günther Grass where the mother, traumatised by a fishing incident involving a horses head & numerous eels, gorges herself on fish for two weeks & dies.
As a bit of a fish-phobic this has always struck me as a distinctly unpleasant mode of death - I'm hoping to be crushed & killed instantly by a falling piano (which I have failed to observe because it's 6 in the morning, I'm 90 years old & emerging from a really stunning party...


(Article by Michael Holden)

I was having breakfast in a café next to a couple of men who were eating together but reading quietly from separate newspapers until one of them begun unprompted to assess the pitfalls of cohabitation.

Man 1 (putting down his paper and looking at his food - a kipper) “You can argue about anything if you’re not careful.”

Man 2 (thinking he’d missed something) “Eh?”

Man 1 “At home, it’s a minefield, right?. The other day I saw a programme about the Elizabethans, it said the used to eat more fish than we do. So I said to the wife about this and she says, “Well I eat plenty of fish,” as though it was sort of an accusation, something she had to defend herself from-eating less fish than an Elzabethan.”

Man 2 “Yeah, well. Women can be like that.”

Man 1 (continuing the aquatic theme) “Yeah but I took that bait though. I’ve started having a go.”

Man 2 (confused) “About what?”

Man 1 “About who eats more fish. I said look I’ll have a kipper, like I am now, or I’ll have a roll mop, we might have fish and chips for tea.”

Man 2 “I don’t like a roll mop.”

Man 1 (ignoring him) “The point is I (+I)definitely(-I) eat more fish than her. No question. But then she says, ‘Oh I have a bit of tuna for lunch sometimes, when you’re out.’ I said ‘when am I out? I’m in all fucking day!’ Which to be fair is part of the problem-but anyway, I said, ‘are you telling me you’re putting away tuna on the sly?’ And she’s taken that the wrong way, so then it’s all about her and her weight!”

Man 2 (looking at his empty plate) “Oh dear.”

Man 1 “So then it was a proper issue, and, this I think is what you might say was ironic, I ended up taking her out for dinner.”

Man 2 “Ridiculous innit?”

Man 1 (Unrepentant) Yeah, well. She started it.