Wednesday, 30 November 2016
Wednesday, 16 July 2014
(yeah, yeah, wear the monster deflective tofu armour if it makes you feel better #futilegesture)
Saturday, 28 April 2012
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Saturday, 30 October 2010
On reflection would have liked to have added a penguin into the mix,
I like penguins. End of.
(article by Michael Holden)
By giving us what we thought we wanted whenever we wanted it, supermarkets have bred a reciprocal brand of super anxiety. Listen closely, and the aisles hum with a discontent peculiar to the resentment of dreams fulfilled. Down by the fresh meat fridges, I found two men bemoaning the very air that they breathed.
Man 1 (sifting through the giblets) "It's cold in here."
Man 2 "Colder than it used to be?"
Man 1 "For sure. You come in here in summer with a T-shirt on and you have to run round, get out before your core temperature plummets down."
Man 2 (pulling at his ears) "I can feel it in my ears. My ears are cold. That never used to happen."
Man 1 "It's just daft. Think about the energy."
Man 2 "It's unpleasant, is what it is. Maybe it's to keep you moving. Get you in and get you out. Like the fucking Crystal Maze.
Man 1 "On ice."
Man 2 "Exactly!"
Man 1 "It's gotta be a preservation thing. They fly this stuff in from wherever the fuck – Argentina – everybody hates that. So they have to keep it as long as possible, drop the temperature of the whole store."
Man 2 "That can't be good."
Man 1 "It's like I said: the energy."
Man 2 (grabbing a lump of meat and reckoning its heft as though he might use it as a weapon) "It all comes down to energy."
Man 1 "We should go somewhere else."
Man 2 (holding the joint at eye level and staring directly at it, Hamlet-style) "There isn't anywhere else though, is there?"
Man 1 "Not that I know of. Not round here."