Why witches have black cats...

Behold, the donut truck!

I was heartened to see a group of NYC cops all eating donuts on my first & only visit to Staten Island many years ago thus fulfilling a cliché for me. The truck was not being driven by a cat much to my consternation - this is called artistic licence*

*also known as 'fibbing a bit'

BOO!

Monster Facts #11

Monster Facts - Even monsters have to do their laundry but are often less than happy if anybody sees them doing it - usually best to leave them to it... (see 'monsters & vegetarianism')

fag break

Monster Facts #11

Monster Fact: Investing in a good strong monster-proof lock on your front door is a worthy, but ultimately  futile gesture due to monsters & their wiley ways - but hey, if it makes you feel better...

Illustrators for War Child

I'm pleased to be included in  a charity illustration auction organised by the lovely Leigh Hodgkinson to raise money for War Child a charity who provide life-changing support to the most vulnerable children whose families, communities and schools have been torn apart by war.

A group of talented illustrators (most of whom are children's book illustrators) have generously donated their artwork for this cause. Work in this auction ranges from signed prints, original artwork, signed books, and other wonderful items.

You can find out more at the website & you can bid for the artwork here It's for a very good cause - happy bidding!

This is my offer which is an ORIGINAL & SIGNED (yep, I can write my name too!) pen & ink drawing called 'Ketchup?' which you can bid for here

Happy (rainy) Monday!

Seemed apt today somehow, please come back summer!

Magic friendly unicorn headpiece™!

Make up for personality deficiencies & general awfulness with a magic friendly unicorn headpiece™.

Everyone loves unicorns huh? Nobody likes you? Unicorn wins every time, job  done!

Monster Facts #10

Monster Fact : Monsters do not receive mandatory holiday pay & rarely take time off - it is considered wise not to disturb them when they do*

*This also applies to freelance illustrators, crocodiles et al. Dogs, as EVERYBODY knows have Wednesday afternoons off.

Silly Name for a Monster - publication day!

 'Silly Name for a Monster' written by Timothy Knapman & illustrated by me is out today published by Scholastic.

'Once upon a time if you wanted to be a hero, you had to have a proper, hero-sounding name. And if you wanted to be a big scary monster, it was no good unless your name was big and scary too. But when all the proper-sounding heroes can't defeat the most menacing monster in the kingdom, the king offers his whole kingdom to whoever can beat it. Could Stinkpot succeed? Even with such a silly name?'

It's got scary monsters, heroes, donkeys, knights in pink frilly knickers & INCREDIBLY SILLY NAMES! I think you should go out & buy it!

You can order it from here or preferably get your best pair of pink frilly knickers on pop into your local bookshop & get it there!

Monster Fact #9

Monster fact : Very BIG monsters can fit through very SMALL holes

It's Thursday! Jump around in your pants!

It's Thursday, the sun's out, it's probably the only sensible thing to do. Tell your boss 'Steve said it'd be fine'* grab a glass of something cold & head out there!

*NB 'fine' can be a somewhat moveable feast

When cocktails talk back

Monster Facts #8

Monster Fact: Monster breath is terrible. Many beautiful would-be monster relationships are de-railed early on by halitosis*.

(*See also monster diets)

Monster Facts #7

Monster fact: Up to 95% of domestic 'lost sock' incidents are the result of monster activity

Monster Facts #6

Monster Fact: Monsters love ice cream, but mainly when it's somebody else's ice cream.

See also monster diets

Monster Facts #5

Monster Fact: The dark is composed of at least 70% monsters (& at least 10% horrible creepy crawlies) - very much like the percentage of cocoa solids in posh chocolate but much SCARIER!

Monster Facts #4

Monster Fact: You know when people say "they won't hurt you they're just being friendly"? * or, "they're more scared of you than you are of them"?*

These are abject BIG FAT LIES. Run away now!

(*see also big vicious dogs with dumb owners)

(*see also spiders)

Monster facts #3

Monster fact : Vegetarianism is EXTREMELY uncommon. Their favourite dinner is invariably YOU!

(yeah, yeah, wear the monster deflective tofu armour if it makes you feel better #futilegesture)