Thursday, 14 July 2016
Wednesday, 20 April 2016
You don't believe in such a thing?
You cynic, you!
Saturday, 23 January 2010
(article by Michael Holden)
Struggling for ways to kill time in cold weather, I went to the pictures in the middle of the day, alone. Judging by the composition of the crowd this was a reasonably popular option – there were about a dozen people there, mostly alone, but there was a pair of blokes in front of me who spoke loudly to one another during the time between when the film was advertised to start and when it actually began.
Man 1 (With a mixture of pride and disbelief) "I hadn't been to the supermarket in over a year."
Man 2 (admiringly) "What, she goes? "
Man 1 "Yeah, she goes and I pay for it."
Man 2 "Fair enough."
Man 1 "Yeah, but I felt a bit guilty. I mean, it's not hard. I actually quite like supermarkets, if they're not too busy. So I said I'd go with her, which turned out to be a mistake."
Man 2 "How so?"
Man 1 "Well I went in quite optimistic thinking, here I am, taking part in something – doing my bit and all the rest of it. But it all went sour when I started bringing stuff to the trolley."
Man 2 (anxious) "Like what, what do you mean?"
Man 1 "Oh, it's all the wrong mushrooms and 'get the ones that are on offer'. I like to roam free in these places, but she has a whole system of how you go about it. You start roaming, going off the map and the whole thing breaks down. There's no scope for innovation. It's a proper regime."
Man 2 "So what happened?"
Man 1 "Well I shut up, didn't I?"
Man 2 "You going back?"
Man 1 "No, we had it right the first time. You're better off alone."